Continued from our Blog part I
We need to understand what we are trying to achieve by the #let'stalk movement? Are we trying to stop suicides? Are we trying to stop or treat depression? No. Talking to a loved one or a friend is not a home remedy for depression or a way to prevent suicide or treat depression. In fact, it is to notice the signs of depression and suicide and take necessary actions on it. All the people who are trying to help others by listening to them have to bridge the gap between a person who requires mental health support and a person who provides mental health support. E.g. what would you do if you fall down and get severely wounded? You will first clean the wound and stop the bleeding at home and then go to the doctor for the stitches. This is no different; your support is like cleaning and stopping the bleed till you reach the doctor. But the stitches have to be done by a professional. Both the actions are equally important. In simple words, you need to provide a safe space for people to express their feelings without feeling judged. It is not to prevent suicides, but to prevent the thought that suicide is the only way. But how can we do that?
Let us discuss a few tips that can come handy to you while talking to a person who is hurting emotionally. Towards the end we will also discuss specific actions to be taken for people who are at high risk for suicide.
- Create safe space
Many people around us have been victims of abuse, bullying, or neglect. It is common to socially boycott a person because they hold views that are contrary to yours or they behave in a certain way that others find either odd or unacceptable. Safe space is a place where all these thoughts, emotions and behavior can be expressed by a person without someone criticizing, laughing, getting angry or disapproving it. Now let us take a moment and think, are we ready to provide safe space to people we have made fun of? Or someone we find odd?
- Trying to be non-judgmental
How would you react when you see a teenager back answering to their parents? What an ungrateful, rude and selfish child! When we judge someone else’s action as right or wrong based on our concepts of right and wrong is when we are exercising our judgment. It is natural to have and sometimes it is required to have the judgment about right and wrong, but remember the judgment needs to be about the action (that we perform) and not about the person. Which means back answering can be an unacceptable behavior but the child needs to feel accepted. More importantly, it is important to not discuss right and wrong when the person is hurting, but address the emotion the person is experiencing. E.g. when a child back answers the parents, one can say “you seem to be feeling angry at your parents!”Remember, it is not easy to be non-judgmental but we can definitely keep trying till we succeed.
- Do not wait for the person to show signs, remember prevention is better than cure
Communication is an important part of our relationships. Keep it active. We may not get time to talk to all the people in our lives every now and then, but once in a while we can take some time out to follow up with the people we care about. A simple personalized message or a call can help the relationship be active. If the question “why should I always do it?” pops in your mind, the answer is “because I care for this person”.
- If you feel worried, express it
Sometimes, when people are emotionally hurting, they suddenly withdraw themselves from the social interaction. Sometimes their language changes, sometimes their behavior changes. Sometimes you can just feel that something is not right. If you feel like that, do not ignore it. Voice your concern. Do not worry about them getting angry or more upset. You can say “I am feeling concerned about you and wanted to check on you.” Or “is there something bothering you?” But also remember not to force help on the other person. If they do not want to talk, respect that and tell them that you will be available if any time they need help. Don’t get angry at them for rejecting your helping hand.
- Validate the feelings
If a person says I am feeling sad or scared, accept that the person is actually feeling an uncomfortable emotion. Avoid rejecting the experience by saying, what is there to get scared? Or why do you feel sad when you have so much in life? Instead say, “I can understand that you feel this way.”
- Do not blame the person for feeling negative emotions
“You made the wrong decision now don’t cry. I kept telling you not to do it, now why are you complaining?” The person is hurting, and these reactions do nothing except making them feel more miserable.
- Listen
Yes, just listen. Without making any assumptions, conclusions, suggestions or advice giving, just listen. The content of the talk may be very negative, however, just listen.
- Do not offer solutions
There are different ways to handle one problem. And your way, even if it feels like the best way, may not be the perfect solution for the other person. Expecting and suggesting solutions to immediate family or friends is natural, however, forcing it on the other person makes them feel more frustrated or can make them feel that they are lacking in some way.
- Take immediate actions in crisis
When you find out that someone is planning suicide having suicidal thoughts, immediately seek professional help. Just telling them not to do it may not be enough. If the person is resisting the idea, contact the emergency services and get the person to the hospital.
- Make a safety plan
If you know that the person is at high risk for suicide, rearrange the Environment to avoid harm. Keep the objects that can potentially trigger an emotional reaction out of sights, e.g. photo of the deceased spouse. Keep all the harmful objects like knives, ropes, chemicals etc. out of reach or locked, remove the locks from all the rooms, keep emergency contacts visible and reachable.
- Try to delay the action till help is available
In an extreme situation, where the person in front of you is about to take actions to end their life, immediately contact the emergency and ask for help. Till the time help reaches you, try to help them delay their action. Give them a task such as calling someone, or drinking a glass of water or going to another room before they carry out their intended action. This can help to pass the impulse at the moment, reducing the risk for making a suicidal attempt.
- Do regular follow ups even after the event is managed
Keep a regular check on the person and their emotions. If medicines are prescribed, help them take it regularly. Encourage them to continue treatment and seek psychotherapy.
- Always consult or make reference to a mental health practitioner
Know your strengths as well as limitations, and send the person to the appropriate mental health practitioner. A trained psychiatrist or a licensed clinical psychologist is to be consulted in cases like these.
We hope that you will find this article helpful. Do ask your queries and questions in the comment section. And don’t forget to share this with all those who want to make a genuine effort to help others.
Contact Mastishk Centre for Behavioural & Psychological Interventions for any mental health related queries or help.
www.mcbpi.com
Phone: 9987637756 (Mumbai)/ 8095354321 (Bangalore)
Email: mastishk@mcbpi.com
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